All I Want For Christmas

This year didn’t really start that well. I was in the middle of questioning my very own existence when it begun, in fact. I had a very different idea of how it would go, provided that I didn’t picture myself seeing most of it. But oh, I did, and rather amusingly, I don’t regret it. I do regret doing and saying a few things along the way, many in fact, but breathing is definitely not a part of that list.

The one thing I regret the most is pushing people away. I was so scared of getting too attached and then feeling hurt that I started to hurt just to protect myself from it. My biggest fear became my most powerful weapon, my fastest gun, my sharpest knife, and it was only after I turned into an abstract sociopath that I realized I was better off when I was disarmed. Vulnerability too has its own pleasures.

Set your soul free to get hurt and you’ll find it falling in love even more.

Or at least wait for its wounds to heal before you put it behind bars, and you’ll find that you don’t want to anymore.

I wish I could go back in time and un-lose all the people I’ve lost this year because it was because of one person that I let in that I’m still breathing. Letting my walls down was the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me, so much so, I wish I did it more.

I fell in love with life while waiting for it to end.

And all I want for Christmas is to never hurt someone again.